Greek Knock-off Toys
Summer 2024 I travelled to the island of Zakynthos and unbeknownst to me I'd be treated to a selection of universe blending oddities. Recently I've been fascinated by the cheap toys in UK newsagents sparked by spotting an irrigation truck "Transformer" and it would be this trip that enlightened me further into the realm of weird and cheap toys overseas. [This digital room is optimised for two visual experiences viewed on your desktop and mobile]
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MOVE ASIDE HOT WHEELS​​​.
Hot Whack "super car" and Hoo Wheels are in the house...
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Well,​​ I couldn't bring everything back as I simply don't own a warehouse for an innumerable amount of bad toys, nor the conscience as an adult, but I took photos of which you're about to see. I may fleetingly look upon these during cold winter nights and reminisce about the credit crunch.​
Revelations for me weren't limited to the time-bending, impossible franchise smashing of the toys but the bizarre direct translations. As if an unhinged AI had infiltrated Hasbro to write all their text. I transcribed below as-seen off of the packaging to retain the integrity of the original written word.
"When an unexpected enemy is in danger Global security and security, Find yourself in need of a super heroic team to pull The world is coming back from the edge of disaster. A VARIETY OF STYLES FOR INFINITE / STRONG AND BIG /
BEAT EVERYTHING"
- Hero Alliance Special Force Super Power Heroes, 2024
Hazy nights in neon bars and karaoke couldn't stop my insatiable desire to find more toy abominations and as I looked out at the morning light piercing the curtain I knew it was my destiny to bring some home to the UK.
What? No! You've never seen Space Wars?!!
I had to bring some home. This one is a such a treat; endless weirdness from the Super Skateboard to its Space Baby and Space Wars branding.
"Maintain world peace,
fight for justice"
- Space Wars, 2024
Come on. Beautiful message for the kids to be fair.
What.A.Find.
It was the only one in the little shop.
Thank goodness I saved its yellowed plastic and taped edges to bring home into my highly respectable museum. The copyright destruction was fascinating and brazen. I don't want to open it up and ruin it but I'm desperate to see what else is in the little booklet tucked away.
AND... I found something else super fun.
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Hot Wheel (so close) brings us Loki as the only Marvel character sneeking into a DC Avengers (?!)​ Fast & Furious crew. I'm sure they're still cheap materials and I don't know how they're made (is a genuine model copied?) and distributed, but there's some serious care for details and craftsmanship here on the individual cars - especially the Superman cape!
How did Tobey McGuire's Spiderman get on the packet? Must have done well in focus groups. ULTRACOOL STYLING!
Actually genuinely love all these.
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The mighty Metal Avengers .
​Brilliant.
As I flew home
I dreamt...
...of Batmtn
...and of how
"THEY BROUGHT THE EARTH!"
That they may only last for an hour but a child will still love these affordable knock-offs ...
in particular Robot In Magic Variant
at Easy Level 3.
I closed my eyes again and drifted back to sleep, away to the imaginings of what precious delights await me in other countries.